Chicago’s Hottest Attractions

Here’s your official travel guide for the Spring/summer time in Chicago! New York City has Stefon to point out all the hottest clubs for the season. However, for all of you Chicagoan thrill-seekers, there are some unmissable activities to indulge in this upcoming season in Chicago, let’s dive in.

Paint n Sip

Location: Underneath Navy Pier

Chicago’s newest Paint and Sip is going to be more crowded than Forever 21’s dressing rooms on Black Friday. You want a quirky, fun activity for the summer? Look no further. At this noteworthy paint n sip, you will experience three full hours of the property brothers screaming at you to paint faster. You can impress your significant other with their three painting templates: Prom Night with Robocop, The Contents of 2012 Amanda Bynes’s Handbag, and The Bottom Half of Mona Lisa. It should be noted that the “sip” isn’t actually wine, but replaced with ‘Artist Juice’ also known as, a warm Pepsi Max mixed with Sobe Life Water. It will be an unforgettable experience.

Upcoming Summer Instagram Museum: Codswallop

Location: Inside the Bean

This spectacular, unique instagram playground is only here for a limited time. It welcomes visitors from 03/26/19 1:52 AM to 3/26/19 1:54 AM. It’s exclusivity is what makes it inviting to all true VIP photographers and instagram models in the Chicagoland area. Take pictures with its special features such as: the small army of Macaulay Culkin wax figures, a rainbow projection of Angelina Jolie’s forehead vein, and Vietnamese child gymnasts balancing on roombas.

Debris Art Museum

Location: See below for special instructions

We see beautiful works of art in places like The Louvre or The Prado. However, an entirely new concept has been introduced to the world of museums: garbage. Observe and think deeply whilst gazing into piles of empty Powerade bottles, torn up letters of desperation from cheating ex husbands, or business clothes from the 90’s that were too gross for Goodwill. See their online site for booking a guided tour, where the tourist will speak only in clicks and whispers. The best part and quite frankly, the uniqueness of this place is that each visitor can contribute as there are no trash cans. Just leave your pizza-stained napkins. It becomes art.

Special instructions: Stand near the left most copper lion in front of the Art Institute and begin shouting the lyrics to the Pretty Little Liars theme song. Soon, a teenage boy cosplaying as Ellen Degeneres will tap you on the shoulder twice. Follow this boy. He will take you.

 

‘The Squabble’ Coffee Shop

Location: Everywhere.

For all you indie, niche, quirky hipsters, we have the perfect coffee shop for you to pretend to study at. There’s live performances of slam poetry–they find the nearest protests and just grab a random protestor and pull them up onstage. The coffee is delicious, served iced, hot, as a frappe, or as a solid. (And in the long, treacherous hours researching this menu, we still have no idea what that last one means). In the basement of the coffee shop, there’s a caged boxing ring with volunteer boxers from the Sunshine Hills Senior Citizen Residence. So the next time you’re thinking of dropping by a Starbucks, think again.

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