How to: Afford College the Wrong Way

Alright. So we all know college is exactly three million dollars per person nowadays and it’s rare to find a student who isn’t struggling with debt. Here are a few very real tips to find money for college that have been proven by scientists to work. Let’s dive right in.

Pretend to be a girl scout

This is perfect timing–it’s scout season. If you’re a boy, no worries. You can simply pretend to be an eagle scout and sell that popcorn, baby. Take the orders, take the money, and drive it all the way to Harvard yard. I mean, who really cares if you’re suspiciously not a child?

Become a Hitman

Illegal? Possibly. Efficient? 100%. Take up self defense courses and invest in medieval weaponry. Finding willing customers is simple. If you see an annoying customer complain to a store employee, approach the store employee for business. This can also apply for step-fathers, in-laws, PE teachers, and any employee at a DMV. You’ll be killing all day, and cashing in all night.

Encourage your friends with new credit cards to capture the moment by posting facebook pictures.

And you’ll be the first to disappoint them.

Perform Street Shows

You don’t have to be into drama and arts to do this. Pick something you’re good at and perform it in front of a crowd. Maybe it’s accounting and finance. Screw the subway guitar players–display your budget skills on a large binder for crowds of people to see.

Figure out a FAFSA employee’s Grindr password

Blackmail, blackmail, blackmail! Trusty and effective.

Follow these steps, and you will make money for college the very wrong way, good luck!

 

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