How to: Afford College the Wrong Way

Alright. So we all know college is exactly three million dollars per person nowadays and it’s rare to find a student who isn’t struggling with debt. Here are a few very real tips to find money for college that have been proven by scientists to work. Let’s dive right in.

Pretend to be a girl scout

This is perfect timing–it’s scout season. If you’re a boy, no worries. You can simply pretend to be an eagle scout and sell that popcorn, baby. Take the orders, take the money, and drive it all the way to Harvard yard. I mean, who really cares if you’re suspiciously not a child?

Become a Hitman

Illegal? Possibly. Efficient? 100%. Take up self defense courses and invest in medieval weaponry. Finding willing customers is simple. If you see an annoying customer complain to a store employee, approach the store employee for business. This can also apply for step-fathers, in-laws, PE teachers, and any employee at a DMV. You’ll be killing all day, and cashing in all night.

Encourage your friends with new credit cards to capture the moment by posting facebook pictures.

And you’ll be the first to disappoint them.

Perform Street Shows

You don’t have to be into drama and arts to do this. Pick something you’re good at and perform it in front of a crowd. Maybe it’s accounting and finance. Screw the subway guitar players–display your budget skills on a large binder for crowds of people to see.

Figure out a FAFSA employee’s Grindr password

Blackmail, blackmail, blackmail! Trusty and effective.

Follow these steps, and you will make money for college the very wrong way, good luck!

 

Little Ways to Minimize Stress

I’m a new college student, I work two jobs, and I’ve been applying to transfer schools and scholarships like a crazy person. Stress and anxiety aren’t strangers. In fact, they’ve been kickin it at my place these past few weeks. But luckily, I’ve been testing out different ways to make me feel more comfortable and a lot less overwhelmed during my day. Here’s some things that have helped.

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Meditation apps

I was thinking of doing a separate article reviewing different apps, but my favorite is definitely Headspace (a guided meditation app). Although it can be difficult to include meditating consistently in a daily routine, just taking 5-10 minutes before bed to do this can take a lot of weight off of your shoulders. At first, I thought meditation was a few minutes of thinking about nothing, but it’s a lot more than that. It’s understanding your own consciousness and “heightening your awareness” so to speak. Once you become a little more aware to things around you, it’s harder to allow daily anxieties to cloud up your clear mind.

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Natural Anxiety Relievers

Whether it’s Sedalia, Natrol or another supplement, natural anxiety relievers can be a simple, additional way to manage anxiety or stress, and even improve your sleep. I’ve tried them on and off, but must I tell you folks, on days that I had to perform onstage, give a speech, or just put myself in a position outside of my comfort zone, these have actually helped. Yes, I’m usually nervous for these things, but natural supplements help normalize my feelings about it. It helps me shift from severe anxiety over to light, excited jitters.

Creative Time

I started doing this recently, and it’s been really eye-opening. I’ll shuffle through papers for hours, have my mind spinning about physics problems, and then in the midst of this chaos, I’ll devote 20-30 minutes to letting my mind wander creatively. I bought a few paints at the store, put on a Bob Ross, The Joy of Painting episode, and just painted pictures for a little while. None of them were good. I threw them away actually. But it felt so nice just to be creative and enjoy myself. I’ll also write. I have some episodes of Modern Family that I wrote on this blog. Sometimes school stress motivates me to think of the premise for my next episode. Sometimes, I’ll just write about my day, and about all the uniqueness of it. I’m usually in a better place after I do “creative” activities, even if it’s just for a little. It’s something cool to try.  

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Sometimes I won’t even know that I was angry until I work out

I’ve been trying to run on my treadmill a little bit everyday. It’s funny because some days I’ll start out, kinda stressed and totally against the idea of it, thinking I won’t be running too long anyways. But then I’ll wind up blasting music and going triple the time I expected. Sometimes it’s just a chore; that’s inevitable. But when I’m stressed or upset, this can flip around how I’m feeling. Especially when I put on music that I like. Seriously, surf through Spotify playlists until you find something that motivates you to run an extra mile or lift the heavier weight or whatever it is that gets you moving.

 Talking to someone

Whether it’s on the phone venting to a friend, out with a group, or my sole interaction of the day at a drive-thru window (sad, I know), having a positive social encounter can make me feel so much less anxiety. Sometimes it’s hard to get it through my head that people aren’t out to get me. I build up so much stress over talking to certain people, that sometimes I have to remind myself it’s not so bad, by doing it. Awesome people are out there, it just takes patience to find them.

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Before you finish reading, I wanted to quickly disclaim that actual symptoms of clinical anxiety should be treated professionally. Sure, these can be quick fixes that temporarily help, but if you’re struggling medically, click outta this dude.

Either way, if you’re going through a stressful time, I wish you the best! Hopefully sharing some of my own stress relievers helped you out in some way.

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