What I’ve Learned from Working with Kids

Living in a fast-paced, adult world distracts me from the simpler things sometimes. I’m typically pulled back to the ground though when I walk into work, and supervise kids, often observing the mindless, silly things they do and say. I’m not going into a career field of teaching or any professional job working with kids, it’s just a temporary job I have right now. But I picked up on a few funny patterns.

1) They think you’re way older than you actually are

And it’s hilarious. Kids suck at guessing ages. I’m eighteen. I started working with kids when I was sixteen. Between that time, these children thought I was married and in my late 20’s. Like Jesus, I’d hope not. Meanwhile, they get upset when I accidentally call them seven instead of eight.

2) There’s drama in every age group

Kids fight over who has the prettier Communion dress in second grade and talk smack about other classmates on snapchat in eighth grade. Of course, it’s usually the little kids who have more emotional recounts of drama. One time, a six year old girl accidentally took a crayon that belonged to her friend when they were coloring. She felt so bad about it and started crying. When something goes wrong as a kid, it is in fact, THE END OF THE WORLD.

3) They hate their younger siblings

I think that it’s just a universal thing growing up, to despise your younger siblings. I always used to want to hang with my older brother, but he couldn’t be more annoyed with me. And I felt the same annoyance towards my younger brother. Same thing today. The older siblings at daycare will have their own social groups, busy themselves in conversations about The Emoji Movie and dabbing (I cringe every day). Their younger siblings complain that they can’t hang out with the “big” kids, because their older brother or sister “totally hates their guts.” But that ongoing rivalry dies eventually. I think.

4) Bragging is never subtle

We were going through prayer intentions once, and a little girl asked for everyone to “pray for her safe trip to go see disney on ice.” (Mind you, this is a 20 minute drive) It’s funny to see how little kids have a grasp on dropping hints about things. The best is when they get into “who’s mom is the best” arguments.

5) Grown ups have all the answers, always 

They think adults have all the solutions, and one day you just grow up and suddenly “know everything”. A kid asked me to multiple 522 and 47, and I obviously couldn’t get it off the top of my head, so I used a calculator. They were completely shocked that I didn’t just know the answer. But it’s funny, because when you’re a kid, you think adults have all the answers, and then you become one and you realize how well all the adults were bullshitting it while you were a kid.

6) They just want to have fun

They just want to run around and clothesline other kids at recess, jump rope, race their friends, play hide and seek, kickball, dance-offs, charades, they don’t care. They wait long hours through the school day just to run around and be way too hyper for a while. And I wish life was still that simple.

If Meth Was Sold At Walmart

If meth was sold at Walmart, it would be packaged in little boxes with bright, graphic ads on the front, like Poptarts.

There would be shelves stocked high with regular meth, and also diet meth for people who are trying to look fuller for bikini season.

At Starbucks, you would order a frappuccino and walk over to the mini table assorted with milk, sugar, creamer, and their newest feature, the cute little plastic needles you can inject before you drink it. Yes, they have venti needles, grande needles, and tall needles for that small pick me up. Everyone’s a tough biker now, as they sip on their biker coffees.

If meth was sold at Walmart, you could stroll through the home living department, fixing your eyes and nose on the new meth candles, infused specifically for each season. Bath and Body Works is jealous as the new “Crushed Candy Cane” is no longer just an overpriced body gel.

Martha and Elaine are moms of pre-teens, Johnny and Sam. They would share a laugh and a pipe as they talk about how their little ones are “growing out of their morphine phase,” and “sneak into mommy’s white snow stache, thinking they’re so clever.”

There would be groupons and coupons for every meth-related event and item. Hurry fast! The meth-infused aromatherapy kit is available at Home Goods for twenty dollars! And the offer is only good until tomorrow!

If meth was sold at Walmart, the new recorded life expectancy for Americans would be a whopping who the fuck cares.

If meth was sold at Walmart, the demand for proactiv would shoot through the roof. People would be caught smashing open the vending machines of them, awkwardly placed at malls. Poor Adam Levine.

If meth was sold at Walmart, the fresh produce in aisles nearby would rot to a sickly brown.

If meth was sold at Walmart, I think we can agree that humankind would be in trouble.

I guess you could say this is a small satirized catalog of the thoughts that I have swarming around in my head when someone says, “Why should we put restrictions on guns? Drugs are illegal and people still find ways get them. It wouldn’t change anything.” But the thing is that people can’t get illegal drugs at Walmart. But they can get guns.

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Little Ways to Minimize Stress

I’m a new college student, I work two jobs, and I’ve been applying to transfer schools and scholarships like a crazy person. Stress and anxiety aren’t strangers. In fact, they’ve been kickin it at my place these past few weeks. But luckily, I’ve been testing out different ways to make me feel more comfortable and a lot less overwhelmed during my day. Here’s some things that have helped.

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Meditation apps

I was thinking of doing a separate article reviewing different apps, but my favorite is definitely Headspace (a guided meditation app). Although it can be difficult to include meditating consistently in a daily routine, just taking 5-10 minutes before bed to do this can take a lot of weight off of your shoulders. At first, I thought meditation was a few minutes of thinking about nothing, but it’s a lot more than that. It’s understanding your own consciousness and “heightening your awareness” so to speak. Once you become a little more aware to things around you, it’s harder to allow daily anxieties to cloud up your clear mind.

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Natural Anxiety Relievers

Whether it’s Sedalia, Natrol or another supplement, natural anxiety relievers can be a simple, additional way to manage anxiety or stress, and even improve your sleep. I’ve tried them on and off, but must I tell you folks, on days that I had to perform onstage, give a speech, or just put myself in a position outside of my comfort zone, these have actually helped. Yes, I’m usually nervous for these things, but natural supplements help normalize my feelings about it. It helps me shift from severe anxiety over to light, excited jitters.

Creative Time

I started doing this recently, and it’s been really eye-opening. I’ll shuffle through papers for hours, have my mind spinning about physics problems, and then in the midst of this chaos, I’ll devote 20-30 minutes to letting my mind wander creatively. I bought a few paints at the store, put on a Bob Ross, The Joy of Painting episode, and just painted pictures for a little while. None of them were good. I threw them away actually. But it felt so nice just to be creative and enjoy myself. I’ll also write. I have some episodes of Modern Family that I wrote on this blog. Sometimes school stress motivates me to think of the premise for my next episode. Sometimes, I’ll just write about my day, and about all the uniqueness of it. I’m usually in a better place after I do “creative” activities, even if it’s just for a little. It’s something cool to try.  

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Sometimes I won’t even know that I was angry until I work out

I’ve been trying to run on my treadmill a little bit everyday. It’s funny because some days I’ll start out, kinda stressed and totally against the idea of it, thinking I won’t be running too long anyways. But then I’ll wind up blasting music and going triple the time I expected. Sometimes it’s just a chore; that’s inevitable. But when I’m stressed or upset, this can flip around how I’m feeling. Especially when I put on music that I like. Seriously, surf through Spotify playlists until you find something that motivates you to run an extra mile or lift the heavier weight or whatever it is that gets you moving.

 Talking to someone

Whether it’s on the phone venting to a friend, out with a group, or my sole interaction of the day at a drive-thru window (sad, I know), having a positive social encounter can make me feel so much less anxiety. Sometimes it’s hard to get it through my head that people aren’t out to get me. I build up so much stress over talking to certain people, that sometimes I have to remind myself it’s not so bad, by doing it. Awesome people are out there, it just takes patience to find them.

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Before you finish reading, I wanted to quickly disclaim that actual symptoms of clinical anxiety should be treated professionally. Sure, these can be quick fixes that temporarily help, but if you’re struggling medically, click outta this dude.

Either way, if you’re going through a stressful time, I wish you the best! Hopefully sharing some of my own stress relievers helped you out in some way.

Modern Family episode five

Synopsis: Claire brings down the head of the PTA with an iron fist, Luke and Phil search for evidence to get revenge on a classmate, Gloria tries to convince Jay that her music is superior, all the while Cam and Manny go on a wild, psychic goose-chase, just for good skin care.

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Modern Family: Episode Four

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Synopsis: In this episode, Mitchell and Cam try to learn something new for fun (but mostly safety reasons). Luke and Manny take on their new dog walking business with eagerness and innovation. The battle for the perfect dress is fought between two sisters, while a jealousy-ridden game of golf plays out between two dads. ENJOY.

How American Psycho Charms its Audience with Dark Themes and A Puzzling Truth

Recently, I had to review a film for my composition class. I wanted to pick a film that actually got me thinking and entertained dark, thrilling elements. With halloween coming up, I thought–what better movie to pick than our favorite businessman killer, our American psycho?

American Psycho (2000), was  directed by Mary Harron and based on a top-selling novel written by Bret Easton Ellis in 1991. This film is about a young, sophisticated businessman–Patrick Bateman–living in New York in the late 80’s. However, he’s an uncontrollable and horrendous serial killer when nighttime hits. The film has running themes of self-identity, isolation, illusion and insanity, all of which contribute to its dark, horrific elements.

Self-identity and distortion are recurring themes in this film. Patrick seems to be living as two identities. We first have his social identity: businessman, agreeably uninteresting and undistinguishable from his co-workers. Then there’s his psychotic, night-time, killer identity that has no remorse. Because he’s one person, understanding which identity he is at certain points in the film can seem confusing. Cinematography works as a guide for the audience to see which “person” he is.

For example, the consistent shots of Bateman’s reflection in mirrors shows that he’s aware of his other identity. He wears Valentino business suits as a symbol of his social identity. While he’s murdering his co-worker, Paul Allen, he puts on a transparent raincoat, veiling the view of his pristine business suit. This represents his social personality being blocked, or pushed aside as his murderous, malicious side steps forward.

There is a shot of the ‘Les Mis’ French flag casted over Bateman’s face. This shot is exactly half-lit; one side of his face is perfectly illuminated, the other cast with a dark shadow. This can be seen as a symbol of his bipolar, dual nature with one side, bright and charming while the other, villainous side hides in the darkness.

The concept of masks as a symbol consistently shows up in Bateman’s life. In his opening monologue, he applies a face mask and slowly peels it off. This represents how he “puts on a mask” before he goes out into the world and interacts with people–his evil side is hiding under his social identity. Then there are scenes where Bateman’s face is covered with blood, looking as if it is a mask; this is representative of his evil persona blocking, or masking his sane, social identity. He is constantly masking his true identity to match whatever situation he’s in.

If a tree falls in a forest when no one is there, does it make a sound?

This philosophy can be specified in context to: if you confess to murdering forty people and nobody believes you, does it even matter? The lack of self identity is displayed in Bateman’s social interactions with his peers and fiance. His coworkers seem confusedly interchangeable to one another.

“There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman, some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me. Only an entity. Something illusory,” Bateman declares.

But no one appears to care. Worse yet, no one even notices. Bateman confesses to these peers multiple times to the murders he committed. Each person either laughs it off or pretends not to hear, giving way to the storm of frustration and insanity heightening in his narrative.

Bateman’s hysterical confession to his lawyer on the phone is quite possibly the loudest shout for help he could give.

Howard, it’s Bateman. Patrick Bateman. You’re my lawyer, so I think you should know I’ve killed a lot of people.”

He goes on to confess, in detail, to every murder he committed. In response, his lawyer simply laughs, mistakes him for a different client and praises him on pulling “such a funny joke on that loser Patrick Bateman.” The lack of distinguishability between the individual worth or traits of the characters in their uptight, high-class society is what drives Bateman to become a murderer. In his world of isolation and no discernible identity, murder is his insanity-driven way to differentiate himself from the rest.

Lastly, as an audience, it’s vital to unpack the idea of a false narrative, or being misled through the actual timeline of events. Distortion, insanity, self-identity are all themes that heavily rely on the musings and broken gears of Patrick Bateman’s mind. This leaves us with the question: were all of his murders just a product of his mind as well? Did he just imagine each kill and leave the audience to believe it actually happened?

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During the movie, there are a few compelling examples that serve as evidence for this false narrative. For example, after Bateman’s killing spree, he visits the apartment in which he stored the “evidence” of his murders.  This is when everything we understood to be true of Bateman’s narrative starts to unwind. The evidence is completely wiped from the apartment; painted over without a trace. He runs into a realtor; she states that nobody named “Paul Allen” actually lived there. Near the end of the film, Patrick is told by his lawyer that he couldn’t have committed the murder of Allen, because he went out to dinner with a different coworker, Paul Owen, the prior week.

Essentially, American Psycho has elements of isolation, insanity, and self-identity that seem to falsely lead the audience through an incorrect timeline of events told by a bipolar, psychotic narrator. These elements also serve to satirize the upper-working class of late-80’s New York “yuppies”, so to speak. Although the perplexing plot line has led people to argue about its truth, the original author, Ellis, has said that the greatness of the story is exactly that we do not know whether or not Bateman committed the crimes.

As an audience, we’re left to wonder if the his insanity led us through a false, blurry narrative, or if he recounted everything exactly as it happened, but no one cared.

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Welcome

Hello everyone! This is my blog dedicated to spec scripts and articles I’ve written. Thanks for checking it out! (A lot of it is satire or some form of parody)

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